[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”About Me” _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_margin=”20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”12px||3px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ use_custom_gutter=”on” padding_top_bottom_link_2=”true” padding_left_right_link_2=”true” _builder_version=”4.16″ max_width=”80%” custom_margin=”-31px|0px|-5px|auto||” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%||true” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”100px|0px|0|0px|false|false” use_custom_width=”on” width_unit=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/DSC00047.jpg” title_text=”DSC00047″ align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”center” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.19.5″ custom_margin=”-60px|-50%||” custom_margin_tablet=”|0%||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”right” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f7f9fc” custom_padding=”40px|60px|40px|60px” custom_padding_tablet=”40px|60px|40px|60px” custom_padding_phone=”|40px||40px||true” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}” padding_phone=”|40px||40px||true” padding_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.19.5″ header_font=”Playfair Display|700|||||||” header_text_color=”#152C23″ header_font_size=”63px” header_line_height=”1.3em” header_2_font=”Playfair Display|700|||||||” header_2_text_color=”#152C23″ header_2_font_size=”63px” header_2_line_height=”1.3em” width=”100%” max_width=”500px” max_width_tablet=”1080px” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_margin=”4px||||false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”0px||||false|false” custom_margin_phone=”0px||||false|false” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|phone” header_font_size_tablet=”” header_font_size_phone=”47px” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”32px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.19.5″ text_font=”||||||||” width=”80%” width_tablet=”90%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|tablet” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”16px” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
I half expected him to come walking down the street dressed as a clown like nothing ever happened.\u00a0 Maybe \u201822\u2019 years?<\/p>\n
20 years ago on this day, Michael stepped out his front door and seemingly vanished. He took nothing with him. He left both of his vehicles, took no extra money, and did not use his phone. Where he is, and what happened to him, is anyone\u2019s guess.<\/p>\n
We had a lot of long conversations that week. He was struggling, and he wanted to come home. To be around people who \u2018get it\u2019.\u00a0 He just wanted to understand what he was feeling and to know how to fix it. That\u2019s just how his brilliant mind worked. He had a hard time understanding some people. He felt like his depression was a burden and kept apologizing because he thought we had all been through too much. It\u2019s hard to reassure someone who can\u2019t get out of their own head.<\/p>\n
A lot of people automatically assume that Michael took his own life.\u00a0 And that could be.\u00a0 For years, we sent out dental records and other information to compare to unidentified remains. Having to imagine your brother in each of these instances is traumatizing but it had to be done. NaMus was established in 2007 and Michael\u2019s information, and our family\u2019s DNA, has been in the database since. \u00a0However, thousands unidentified bodies are added every year. So, of course, it remains a possibility.<\/p>\n
Michael talked about disappearing.\u00a0 He asked me what I\u2019d do if I called and he didn\u2019t answer. He talked about assuming a new identity. I think he saw it as a way to save himself, from himself. He also studied Buddhism. Dharma itself means \u201cprotection\u201d. This practice teaches you to protect yourself from the struggles of daily life. To guard your personal well being from external pressures. To find peace and enlightenment.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think for a moment that Michael saw his family as pressure, or that he wanted to stay away. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves us all fiercely.\u00a0 If he is in a monastery somewhere, doing what he needs to do to survive, I\u2019m all good with it. It\u2019s just very difficult for me to rationalize him being out there somewhere and not calling our mother.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think any of us would be surprised either way.<\/p>\n
I will say it\u2019s a very strange mix of emotions this leaves you with. It\u2019s not like grief, where you know there is work to be done, and you do it. But, there is grief. \u00a0I haven\u2019t seen my brother in 20 years. I miss him terribly.\u00a0 I miss our long talks for hours about nonsense. I miss his intelligence. I miss his eccentricities and his sparkle for life. You don\u2019t find that in many people.\u00a0 I grieve for my brother, Gary, who I know misses Mikey just like I do.\u00a0 I grieve for my mother who has had more than her fair share of heartache yet still lights up the lives of everybody around her. I grieve for Michael who, for some reason, thought whatever choice he made was better than finding his way home to his tribe. \u00a0There are no answers\u2026 but there is still grief. It just\u2026. lingers.<\/p>\n
So, 20 years later, we are well aware that he could be gone.\u00a0 But until we know differently, we will continue the search. We hope, more than anything, that Mikey will come home to us some day.<\/p>\n
In the meantime, we choose how we move forward. We will continue to pour our energy into making sure people who struggle with their mental health in any way understand they are not alone. \u00a0We will use Michael\u2019s journey to end the stigma. We will have the difficult conversations. We will make sure our young people understand there is ALWAYS hope.<\/p>\n
And if you\u2019re reading this, and thinking about Michael, we hope you do the same.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#f7f9fc” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” excerpt_length=”150″ use_overlay=”on” overlay_icon_color=”#546387″ hover_overlay_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.25)” hover_icon=”1||divi||400″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I half expected him to come walking down the street dressed as a clown like nothing ever happened.\u00a0 Maybe \u201822\u2019 years?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8316,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[91,159],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9598"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9598"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9598\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9608,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9598\/revisions\/9608"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8316"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9598"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9598"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9598"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}