[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”About Me” _builder_version=”4.14.8″ custom_margin=”20px||||false|false” custom_padding=”12px||3px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_4,3_4″ use_custom_gutter=”on” padding_top_bottom_link_2=”true” padding_left_right_link_2=”true” _builder_version=”3.25″ max_width=”80%” custom_margin=”-31px|0px|-5px|auto||” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%||true” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”100px|0px|0|0px|false|false” use_custom_width=”on” width_unit=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/michael-18.jpg” title_text=”michael (18)” show_in_lightbox=”on” use_overlay=”on” overlay_icon_color=”#546387″ hover_overlay_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.5)” hover_icon=”1||divi||400″ align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”center” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.14.8″ custom_margin=”-60px|-50%||” custom_margin_tablet=”|0%||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”right” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ background_color=”#f7f9fc” custom_padding=”40px|60px|40px|60px” custom_padding_tablet=”40px|60px|40px|60px” custom_padding_phone=”|40px||40px||true” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}” padding_phone=”|40px||40px||true” padding_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.14.8″ header_font=”Playfair Display|700|||||||” header_text_color=”#152C23″ header_font_size=”63px” header_line_height=”1.3em” header_2_font=”Playfair Display|700|||||||” header_2_text_color=”#152C23″ header_2_font_size=”63px” header_2_line_height=”1.3em” width=”100%” max_width=”500px” max_width_tablet=”1080px” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_margin=”4px||||false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”0px||||false|false” custom_margin_phone=”0px||||false|false” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|phone” hover_enabled=”0″ header_font_size_tablet=”” header_font_size_phone=”47px” header_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”32px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.14.8″ text_font=”||||||||” text_font_size=”18px” text_line_height=”1.6em” width=”80%” width_tablet=”90%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”16px” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
11 years ago on this day my brother made the conscious decision to walk out the door and away from all of his belongings and the only life he had ever known.\u00a0 Everyone wants to know \u201cwhy\u201d?\u00a0 To most people, this seems inconceivable. To me, it seemed a logical response to escape a reality that can be so painful.\u00a0 But, I\u2019ve been in his head. \u00a0I was one of the few people trusted to listen, to not judge, to love unconditionally.\u00a0 I\u2019m so grateful to him for letting me in because I \u201cget it\u201d.\u00a0 I have that, at the very least.<\/p>\n
Sometimes, having a gifted mind means that you can be painfully aware of everything around you but, on the other side of that spectrum; you can be just as unaware.\u00a0 It\u2019s quite the conundrum\u2026especially for a Harvard educated brain, I would image. \u00a0\u00a0How do you rationalize an irrational thought?\u00a0 How do you stop analyzing every little thing when that is just the way your brain is made to work?\u00a0 How do you explain it to someone who thinks it\u2019s as easy as getting out of bed and putting on a happy face?\u00a0 Why don\u2019t \u201cthey\u201d get it?\u00a0 I know why\u2026. they\u2019ve never loved someone who suffers from a chemical imbalance. \u00a0I didn\u2019t used to \u2018get it\u2019 either.<\/p>\n
Michael had tried taking his own life when he was first diagnosed.\u00a0 Most people didn\u2019t know that because we didn\u2019t talk about it.\u00a0 People didn\u2019t get it.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to die; it was just too hard for him to live.\u00a0 There is a difference. We talked about it a lot.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t suffer from depression but I have lost a child and I know what it feels like to be numb and to watch the world go on when you can\u2019t even imagine getting out of bed.\u00a0 To feel like death would be easier than dealing with the kind of desperation and pain you\u2019re feeling. But, I was lucky. People knew the \u2018reason\u2019 for my grief that gave it credibility.\u00a0 I was surrounded by love and support and that did help, of course, but I just could not see forward.\u00a0 I had to seek out more support. I can\u2019t even begin to tell you how hard that was, the kind of strength that took on my behalf, or how frustrating it was to have to look so hard for it.\u00a0 I finally found that the people who truly understood were others who have suffered the same kind of loss.\u00a0\u00a0 It was in them that I found salvation and was able to survive. \u00a0Because in them, in their stories, I saw me.\u00a0 Twenty years later, I continue to heal that part of me by reaching out to other families who have experienced the same kind of loss.\u00a0 This is what works for me.\u00a0\u00a0 I have to believe the same is true for those who suffer with mental illness.\u00a0 If we could only talk about it\u2026.<\/p>\n
Decades ago, people called cancer the \u201cC\u201d word.\u00a0 It was talked about in hushed circles and never directly to the person suffering.\u00a0 We were so afraid of what we didn\u2019t understand and couldn\u2019t see with our own eyes.\u00a0 \u00a0It was a death sentence, in more ways than one.\u00a0 \u00a0Now, with advances in modern medicine, most people survive and do so with gusto!\u00a0 We fight back, we live healthier, we educate and we support each other.\u00a0 That is the only way to move forward and evolve.<\/p>\n
Why don\u2019t we do that with mental illness?\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t someone do it 20+ years ago when we were in high school and lost so many friends?\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we do it now when we so many people are hurting themselves and others?\u00a0 When people are so dependent on drugs and chemicals to make them feel better\u2026 to be numb?\u00a0 \u00a0Why can\u2019t we talk about it when our prisons are filled with people whose first problem is that they suffer from a chemical imbalance?\u00a0 When the troops, who are leaving their families and are risking their lives for our freedoms, are coming home to take their own lives at 22 a day because of PTSD?<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t talk about it because we\u2019re afraid.\u00a0 We see images of ourselves in others and that is what makes us so critical of them.\u00a0 We define others with labels and criticisms usually born of our own weaknesses.<\/p>\n
We have made such strides.\u00a0 With so many celebrities speaking out and the strong men and woman of our military not being afraid to tell their stories, the change is evident and it\u2019s refreshing.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0But, we\u2019re not there yet.<\/p>\n
So, the easy answer to the question \u201cWhy?\u201d\u2026\u00a0 Michael suffers from a chemical imbalance which can make him anxious and tells his brain to feel a certain way regardless of what you and I say or see as \u2018logic\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This manifests itself in cycles, often more critical in times of personal crisis, but never dependant of that alone.\u00a0 There is nothing more frustrating for him than not being able to understand it and fix it.\u00a0 And, while he loves his family more than anything else in this world, Michael felt as though we had \u2018been through enough\u2019 and didn\u2019t want to burden us further with his depression, a common misconception from those who suffer.\u00a0 Of course, the answer isn\u2019t quite as simple as that.\u00a0 In fact, I could write 10 books on the complexities and eccentricities of Michael\u2019s mind.\u00a0 But the answer above sums it up.<\/p>\n
For years we have searched, we\u2019ve compared dental records, we\u2019ve sent in our DNA to be matched to cadavers and we have grieved.\u00a0 We have raised thousands of dollars in Michael\u2019s honor and brought awareness to our beloved community.\u00a0 But nothing has been as healing as looking into the eyes of a young person who struggles in much the same way Michael did and watching them realize and feel empowered just knowing that someone finally \u2018gets it\u2019.<\/p>\n
We don\u2019t have a happy ending\u2026 not yet anyway.\u00a0 And, even though this is what we talk about publically, Michael\u2019s illness does not define him to us.\u00a0 Michael is a beautiful, brilliant, loving and compassionate man who brightened any room he walked into and left an impression on everyone he met.<\/p>\n
Whether he is no longer with us, if he\u2019s saving himself from himself in a monastery\u2026. or if he\u2019s being coddled by a rich widow\u2026 I know that he is proud and I can only hope that he will someday come home and help us carry on this conversation.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.14.8″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#f7f9fc” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.14.8″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.14.8″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_blog fullwidth=”off” posts_number=”3″ include_categories=”current” excerpt_length=”150″ use_overlay=”on” overlay_icon_color=”#546387″ hover_overlay_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.25)” hover_icon=”1||divi||400″ _builder_version=”4.14.8″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_blog][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If I’m So Smart…If I\u2019m so smart, why can\u2019t I fix myself? 11 years ago on this day my brother made the conscious decision to walk out the door and away from all of his belongings and the only life he had ever known.\u00a0 Everyone wants to know \u201cwhy\u201d?\u00a0 To most people, this seems inconceivable. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3173,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"
11 years ago on this day my brother made the conscious decision to walk out the door and away from all of his belongings and the only life he had ever known.\u00a0 Everyone wants to know \u201cwhy\u201d?\u00a0 To most people, this seems inconceivable. To me, it seemed a logical response to escape a reality that can be so painful.\u00a0 But, I\u2019ve been in his head. \u00a0I was one of the few people trusted to listen, to not judge, to love unconditionally.\u00a0 I\u2019m so grateful to him for letting me in because I \u201cget it\u201d.\u00a0 I have that, at the very least.<\/p>
Sometimes, having a gifted mind means that you can be painfully aware of everything around you but, on the other side of that spectrum; you can be just as unaware.\u00a0 It\u2019s quite the conundrum\u2026especially for a Harvard educated brain, I would image. \u00a0\u00a0How do you rationalize an irrational thought?\u00a0 How do you stop analyzing every little thing when that is just the way your brain is made to work?\u00a0 How do you explain it to someone who thinks it\u2019s as easy as getting out of bed and putting on a happy face?\u00a0 Why don\u2019t \u201cthey\u201d get it?\u00a0 I know why\u2026. they\u2019ve never loved someone who suffers from a chemical imbalance. \u00a0I didn\u2019t used to \u2018get it\u2019 either.<\/p>
Michael had tried taking his own life when he was first diagnosed.\u00a0 Most people didn\u2019t know that because we didn\u2019t talk about it.\u00a0 People didn\u2019t get it.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to die; it was just too hard for him to live.\u00a0 There is a difference. We talked about it a lot.\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t suffer from depression but I have lost a child and I know what it feels like to be numb and to watch the world go on when you can\u2019t even imagine getting out of bed.\u00a0 To feel like death would be easier than dealing with the kind of desperation and pain you\u2019re feeling. But, I was lucky. People knew the \u2018reason\u2019 for my grief that gave it credibility.\u00a0 I was surrounded by love and support and that did help, of course, but I just could not see forward.\u00a0 I had to seek out more support. I can\u2019t even begin to tell you how hard that was, the kind of strength that took on my behalf, or how frustrating it was to have to look so hard for it.\u00a0 I finally found that the people who truly understood were others who have suffered the same kind of loss.\u00a0\u00a0 It was in them that I found salvation and was able to survive. \u00a0Because in them, in their stories, I saw me.\u00a0 Twenty years later, I continue to heal that part of me by reaching out to other families who have experienced the same kind of loss.\u00a0 This is what works for me.\u00a0\u00a0 I have to believe the same is true for those who suffer with mental illness.\u00a0 If we could only talk about it\u2026.<\/p>
Decades ago, people called cancer the \u201cC\u201d word.\u00a0 It was talked about in hushed circles and never directly to the person suffering.\u00a0 We were so afraid of what we didn\u2019t understand and couldn\u2019t see with our own eyes.\u00a0 \u00a0It was a death sentence, in more ways than one.\u00a0 \u00a0Now, with advances in modern medicine, most people survive and do so with gusto!\u00a0 We fight back, we live healthier, we educate and we support each other.\u00a0 That is the only way to move forward and evolve.<\/p>
Why don\u2019t we do that with mental illness?\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t someone do it 20+ years ago when we were in high school and lost so many friends?\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we do it now when we so many people are hurting themselves and others?\u00a0 When people are so dependent on drugs and chemicals to make them feel better\u2026 to be numb?\u00a0 \u00a0Why can\u2019t we talk about it when our prisons are filled with people whose first problem is that they suffer from a chemical imbalance?\u00a0 When the troops, who are leaving their families and are risking their lives for our freedoms, are coming home to take their own lives at 22 a day because of PTSD?<\/p>
We don\u2019t talk about it because we\u2019re afraid.\u00a0 We see images of ourselves in others and that is what makes us so critical of them.\u00a0 We define others with labels and criticisms usually born of our own weaknesses.<\/p>
We have made such strides.\u00a0 With so many celebrities speaking out and the strong men and woman of our military not being afraid to tell their stories, the change is evident and it\u2019s refreshing.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0But, we\u2019re not there yet.<\/p>
So, the easy answer to the question \u201cWhy?\u201d\u2026\u00a0 Michael suffers from a chemical imbalance which can make him anxious and tells his brain to feel a certain way regardless of what you and I say or see as \u2018logic\u2019.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This manifests itself in cycles, often more critical in times of personal crisis, but never dependant of that alone.\u00a0 There is nothing more frustrating for him than not being able to understand it and fix it.\u00a0 And, while he loves his family more than anything else in this world, Michael felt as though we had \u2018been through enough\u2019 and didn\u2019t want to burden us further with his depression, a common misconception from those who suffer.\u00a0 Of course, the answer isn\u2019t quite as simple as that.\u00a0 In fact, I could write 10 books on the complexities and eccentricities of Michael\u2019s mind.\u00a0 But the answer above sums it up.<\/p>
For years we have searched, we\u2019ve compared dental records, we\u2019ve sent in our DNA to be matched to cadavers and we have grieved.\u00a0 We have raised thousands of dollars in Michael\u2019s honor and brought awareness to our beloved community.\u00a0 But nothing has been as healing as looking into the eyes of a young person who struggles in much the same way Michael did and watching them realize and feel empowered just knowing that someone finally \u2018gets it\u2019.<\/p>
We don\u2019t have a happy ending\u2026 not yet anyway.\u00a0 And, even though this is what we talk about publically, Michael\u2019s illness does not define him to us.\u00a0 Michael is a beautiful, brilliant, loving and compassionate man who brightened any room he walked into and left an impression on everyone he met.<\/p>
Whether he is no longer with us, if he\u2019s saving himself from himself in a monastery\u2026. or if he\u2019s being coddled by a rich widow\u2026 I know that he is proud and I can only hope that he will someday come home and help us carry on this conversation.<\/p>
\u00a0<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[91,147,159],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2317"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2317"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2317\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8811,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2317\/revisions\/8811"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3173"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michaelsrun.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}