People Tell Me I’m Strong…
As I was standing in the cemetery looking around all I could think was What did I do that was so awful? Why did he get taken from me? Why not somebody else’s child? Why my baby?
I always use to think I could fix everything. I can’t fix this. I begged I pleaded on that drive home that day. Please I will give anything anything just don’t take him from me. Just let him live. He is my baby don’t you take him from me. Nope nobody listened , didn’t even let me say goodbye. Just gone. Ripped from me.
Nothing I do brings him back. Why me? I’m not strong, I’m on a permanent punishment. Some days I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I let him down. It’s hard to know you couldn’t fix one of the things that meant the most to you in this world. It’s hard not to be able to fix the broken hearts of your children still here and watch them struggle. This path is just so hard. So those of us who have lost children aren’t strong we were just given something that we didn’t have a choice but to survive through.
I miss you so much baby. I hope you know I would have done anything to save you. I would have died so you could have lived. I miss you with every breath. Some days are harder than others. I am trying to get stronger and make you proud but there are days that I struggle. I’m sorry I let you down. I love you buddy.
I turned around and just emptiness. Just loneliness. You weren’t here. Your never going to be here again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don’t break down just thinking about you and looking at your pictures.
I Went to Visit You Today...Went to visit you today. To wish you a Merry Christmas. Sounds weird as nothing merry about you not being here. However...