8 Months

8 months ago my life changed forever and not for the better. A nightmare had come true. In a matter of a second you were gone. That phone call at 2:47 pm forever changed my life.

 

You shined as bright as the sun Jon Morrell. You had a smile that could make the darkest day seem brighter. I remember how you would slide in your socks into the living room and yell ” just Jon” and then start your belly laugh. Your laugh was contagious.

 

What I wouldn’t give for another one of your hugs you loved to give. How you would hug grampa bye and it would always turn into a wrestling match and like most little boys you would always take it a step to far.

 

The way you just loved to talk. You would get in the car and not stop talking the entire time unless one of your as you called it country jams came on and then you would sing loud and proud.

 

8 months as it still makes no sense and most days seem unreal. You were not a perfect child you really liked to push on my nerves but you were my imperfect child.

 

I didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much, but every second of everyday you are on my mind. I didn’t think it was possible to cry as much as I have in the past 8 months but you proved me wrong on that one too.

 

Sometimes, like today at the cemetery, I hug your headstone and pretend it’s you. Pretty silly, huh?

 

I am so blessed that I got to call myself your mom. I may have not always shown it but I loved and still do love you little man. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss you arguing with me relentlessly. I miss you telling me I was beautiful. I miss you telling me odd facts that nobody else would know but that you would memorize such as how much food sharks ate.

 

8 months ago this world lost a true bright light. You could have done anything you wanted baby. I am so sorry that some didn’t see you value and thought that it was fun to criticize you and make you feel less.

 

I know if you had known the devastation and hurt you caused your family would happen that you wouldn’t have done what you have done. That was just who you were always trying to make people feel better. I know when I was sick you would always try to take care of me. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take care of you like I should have. I’m sorry I didn’t take you away front the environment that brought you such sadness.

 

I love you and am completely broken. I forever now live a life of wonder. Wondering who you would have been and what you would have done.

 

I truly hope your pain has ended Jon and that your at peace. I hope your bullies realize what they have done.

 

I love you little man and miss you so much most days it just hurts to breathe. So I go on but not really. I try to smile but it’s just pretend. Most days it’s just not worth the effort.

 

Watch over us all and keep everyone safe. You will always be my little boy and I love you to heaven and back.

 

Love. Forever your mom.